Why is it that people have so much trouble just saying "I'm sorry". Two simple words....that mean so very much.
I've mentioned before that I was raised in an alcoholic home;
and I myself, am a recovering alcoholic.
In my childhood home there was not much apologizing going on. It was mostly blame and anger. Make no mistake....that environment leaves its mark.
One learn's to apologize for everything, or one learn's to apologize for nothing. I usually fell into the first category. I took the blame for most things....whether guilty or not.
I was always trying to figure out how I could make something my fault. Needless to say...that stance does not bode well for one's self esteem.
As an adult...I have often fallen back into that old pattern.....always looking at how I have done something wrong...in fact...I would often say "oh, I'm sorry" for nothing at all. My beautiful husband would often point this out to me saying...I was always trying to look for a way to make a certain outcome my fault.
Now......there is also a flip side to this coin....never being willing to apologize. I mean just saying the words "I'm sorry." Just that simple.... is not a hard thing to do.
Oh I know, the old ego is involved here....but the old ego...will often give you really bad advice. The old ego keeps you from showing humility when you should and can really make a mess of things.
Sometimes, there is a risk in saying you are sorry...you can be rejected. That hurts...but knowing in your heart you have behaved with humility and honesty and are genuinely sorry for your inappropriate behavior, goes a long way toward your forgiving yourself.
Life is a process, and I believe most of us do the best we can with what we are given.
These are my opinions and I know I'm on the soap box today....but I don't know how one can navigate this life without humility and forgiveness.
Hugs sweet friends,
Jo
Photo: Flikr
Saying your sorry is easy, it is feeling it that is hard! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI do know what you mean. I too, used to apologize for every thing until a kind friend asked me why I did it. It was a real eye opener for me and I think started me on the road to more self awareness all those years ago.
Thank you for your fab post!
Hugs,
Terri
True words. We all battle that old ego don't we. and... Words are so powerful.
ReplyDeleteCindy
So beautifully said, Jo. Have a beautifully day:)
ReplyDelete~Debra xxx
Capers of the vintage vixens
You said it all beautifully dear Jo! Learning how to apologize for something is one of life's most important stages. We feel the affects of it one way or the other! ~Hugs...
ReplyDeleteOh my, you and I are twins. I, too, was raised in an alcoholic home and grew up to become one myself (in recovery 20 years now). I'm sorry was never said in my home, even when my dad came home drunk in the middle of the night and knocked the jar of my tadpoles off the porch, killing them. I was the one who was wrong because I was not supposed to cry.
ReplyDeleteI grew up always feeling I had to say I am sorry, even if the other person was wrong. In the early days of our relationship hubby would often say to me, "I wish you would stop saying that." I have gotten better with age, but there are times I will blurt out "I'm sorry" to others just because I find it hard to deal with any kind of conflict.
Mary
I think it's tied to taking responsibility. As a child, you were not responsible- definitely not. As adults we are responsible for our actions and we we screw up, make a mistake, harm someone, disappoint someone - you get the picture - we do need to take responsibility and apologize.
ReplyDeleteI believe that a lot of parents are not teaching their children to take responsibility for their actions or to feel sorry when they inconvenience others. Oops, off that soap box, too. But I do think this is a good point and a good post. Thanks for doing it.
Remember the movie "Love Story?" And the line that goes (I think) "love means never having to say you're sorry?" I never agreed with that sentiment. Love means just the opposite, to me. Great post, Jo.
ReplyDeleteTruer words were never written. I feel I am always saying I am sorry...I often thought it was a good thing to do but maybe I wanted to be a martyr. I have learned to focus on the situation and respond accordingly. It has been a life long process.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so candid, Jo.
XO,
Jane
Great Post Jo... and so heartfelt. I do believe that a sincere apology heals and can put a wrong right again. Many times I forfeit the need to be right because Peace and Harmony are far more important to me than debating a topic with someone not in agreement or prone to argument... so many times Ego prevents folks from having Humility and Forgiveness... not knowing that Forgiving is as much for the person doing and offering the forgiving as those who are receiving it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and your sweet comment on my latest creation. Yes, after retiring from the Corporate World I emmersed myself in my Passion of being an Artist and began experimenting with Fabric Art, which I now do frequently and entirely by hand, it is a Blissful past-time and I can take my humble needle, thread and my hands to the most enchanting places to be inspired and just create.
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
We are so very much alike...I say it too often and hear it rarely. I sometimes think about how much healing would take place for me if I just heard those words and knew that they were truly spoken. I want to say it now...for all the pain and hurt, from then and now...I'm sorry. take care.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that there is a difference in a genuine apology and one that is not. Growing up in a dysfunctional family kind of skews your view on a lot of things {I know this first hand}. Thanks so much for visiting me. hugs♥olive
ReplyDeleteForgiving yourself is part of loving yourself. Thanks for stopping by my blog Jo.
ReplyDelete<><
Truer word have not been spoken
ReplyDeleteYou, Mary and I could spend a day..no, a week together with a cup a something (without the booze)and share so many of the same childhood memories. Only one who's been there knows how sorry it truly was.... But since we're big girls now, we could giggle along with the tears....
ReplyDeleteYou're one special lady Jo :)
You are so right, Jo. "I don't know how one can navigate this life without humility and forgiveness." Beautiful, powerful words.
ReplyDeleteIt breaks my heart that you grew up in an environment which molded you to take the blame for everything and apologize when you have nothing to apologize for. May I just say that you have thrived above and beyond into a lovely and warm woman who I admire more with each visit to this precious world you have created. Blessings to you.